Embracing the culture

The past few weeks we have been experiencing more and more of the Vietnamese culture. Vietnam has a rich history which has shaped the way they are today, very close knit and community based. There are, however, little bits of culture that you pick up only from being here, things that you won't find in a travel guide. These are the things that make Vietnam such an awesome place to be a foreigner.

 

As most of you know I have acquired a motorbike (a Honda Wave S should you want to google it) and as I have said before the best way to get around Vietnam is by motorbike. I have been learning to ride pretty slowly, little trips to the local coffee shop and such. It is not that I don't want to ride, it's because I am absolutely terrified of getting onto a busy road. I have picked up some riding tips from other teachers and have observed how the motorbike taxi driver does it.

Words of advice from the teachers: keep right but don't hug right (because people will just pull out in front of you - a point I shall chat about further on) and drive aggressive defensively (????). Well that helps.

Tips I have picked up from the driver: just drive. You worry about what is in front of you, not behind you. This includes pulling out of a side street onto the highway without so much as glancing or yielding at the approaching traffic. It sounds crazy but it works. The next tip: hoot as often as possible. The Vietnamese hoot is different to the SA hoot. It is not aggressive or because you are in a hurry It is quite a courteous thing to do. If there is someone walking with their back to you, you hoot to let them know you are there. If you are driving around a blind corner, you hoot to let others know you are there. The drivers are so consistent with this, the other day Duncan and I were walking to the coffee shop and all of a sudden we heard a man shouting, in a very high pitched voice, "eeh eeh eeh eeh eeh". It took a moment for us to realise what had happened. His hooter was broken and he was mimicking it to warn us. You have to love the dedication to the hooter.

So, after two weeks of having the bike and preparing myself, yesterday I decided it was time. I got on the bike, helmet on, start it up. Take off in 3rd gear (because I'm pretty sure if I take off in 1st I will pop a wheelie and roastie my entire back) wobble a bit and I'm off. Onto a secondary road, crossing coming up, I do as the locals and just go. The surrounding motorbikes are like a school of fish and elegantly make their way around me. Reaching a traffic light, turn right onto a main road AND I'M DRIVING! I was so excited that I did the same trip our times, hooting and cutting in front of people like I was born to do it. I even over took a few people! Although, in hind sight they probably saw a foreigner approaching in their mirrors and moved out of the way ASAP.

 

Motorbike culture: done.

 

Last week was teachers day in Vietnam, all the children bring the teachers gifts and I have a years supply of body wash now. Bless them. Teachers week also meant it's time for a staff party. The school I work at was also celebrating their 20th year open and went all out by hiring a beautiful venue. We got our formal invitations which informed us that the party starts at 16:30 sharp, this was reaffirmed by the foreign teacher rep saying "don't be late". So 16:45 I arrive at the party and the only people there are the 6 foreign teachers. Eventually at 18:15 the party started. And people complain about African time. Pah. The room was massive, we tried to do a bit of a head count and think there were about 1200 people there. The room was beautifully decorated with kitchy gold and yellow decorations. Time for speeches. An hour and a half later the speeches are still going on and I know at some point they have to stop because there are two crates of beer next to each table that no one has touched yet. I asked another teacher about this. "Just watch, the speeches stop and the drinking starts. An hour later this room will be empty" was the reply. "Well that can't be right" I thought. The speeches eventually stopped and the beer came out. Now I know why an hour was the expectation. The Vietnamese do not sip on beer as we do. The pour a beer into a glass, gather as many people as possible, shout "Mot, Hai, Ba, Bot" and have a down down. 30 seconds later they are having another down down. They are very polite and ensure you are included in as many of these as possible and that your glass never has less than 3/4's of beer in it. An hour to the minute and the party was over. I have never seen 1200 people disappear so quickly!

 

Party culture: done.

 

The Vietnamese smile. This is something you will read about in every travel book you pick up. It really brings new life to the saying "grin and bear it." The Vietnamese will smile about everything. If they are confused, smile. Angry? Smile. Sad? Smile. Happy? Smile. In fact the only time I think they don't smile is when they get dragged into the 12th "Mot, Hai, Ba, Bot" down down of the night.

From our three months of being here we have adopted this smile. Recently the guesthouse got a new house woman. Lets call her Eve. Eve is mean to do all the cleaning, cooking and general requirements of the people living here. The problem is that Eve cannot clean, she complains when she has to open the door and Eve cannot cook. Her cooking is so bad that in a nation that basically lives on rice, she will mess that up too. Now I know I said that we have been embracing the culture, but there are certain meals which our digestive systems have refused to take part in. The whole cooked baby sparrow with brains and beak still attached cooked by Eve, for example. Or the soup with floating grey balls of God knows what in, cooked by Eve. Basically, we have been eating at local cafe's which have outstanding local meals for about 2 dollars. Sometimes we are tired and get a take away. This is where the Vietnamese smile comes into play. Every single time you bring a packet of anything into the house, Eve will poke it and let out some form of grunt. I do not know if Eve cannot speak but all I have ever heard come out of her is different pitches of grunting. Now, poking our packets once or twice would have been OK, but she does it EVERY single time we come home. What do we do? Smile at her while thinking about poking her back with a tazer.

While it is in our nature to be slightly rude about this, we don't. Remember the old saying "When in Rome..." Well, when in Nam, smile and grunt.

 

Blog update: done

 

*queue Gordon Ramsay music*

Pronunciation may be the death of me

Another week gone by, I am happy to report that all of us are happily settling into our jobs and working again.

 

After mastering the art of catching (and actually staying on) a motorbike taxi, the next big challenge is the language barrier.

I would like to expand on Duncan's blog update from last week where he gave you an introduction into the world of Vietnamese pronunciation. This little problem we are having extends further than not ordering chicken in a restaurant for fear of insulting the waitress.

 

As Duncan and Donovan have discovered over the past couple of weeks here, Vietnamese is a world apart from English. In English, we tend to stress the consonants of the words we say. This is proven by the fact that we can understand Americans (who say "cAn't"), Australians (who say "cyAAn't") and the English (who say "can't" properly). All of them have different stresses on the vowel, but we know what they are saying because the consonants remain neutral.

The opposite can be said for Vietnamese. In every word, the emphasis is placed on the pronunciation of the vowel sound to a point where the majority of them drop the consonant completely. Now, this wouldn't normally be too much of a problem BUT the Vietnamese like to string together as many vowels as possible to make up words. It's almost as if when the language was created there were only nine letters in the alphabet.

To give you an example of this, in my one high school class there are two boys that sit next to each other. The one's name is Nyeuaeu and the other's name is Nyueaue. How the hell do you say that?? The answer is, you don't. A big trend in Vietnam is to have an "English" name. Most of these are given to the students by their foreign teachers. I find this a bit awkward and prefer to let them "name" themselves. The result is that you end up with people in your class named John Cena, Enrique, Angelina, Miley, Flower, Moon, Love. Not too bad, until you reach the back row of students who have now run out of options and you start getting Messi, Trust, Mr Karate and my all time favourite (and this is no lie) ... Pegasus. The result is that I now have a class made up of 20 celebrities, 8 emotions and 1 flying horse.

 

Class names are not the biggest concern though. It's actually getting to work. The bigger area's in the city are broken down into districts 1 to 11. Easy enough as most people know English numbers here. Unfortunately, not one of us work in one of the districts, but in the little in between area's that were not included into this clever system.

To better illustrate my point I will give you a breakdown of my teaching schedule. As you know, I work at a university in the evenings and a high school during the day. The high school is one of the better schools in the city and have 3 different campuses which I travel to. I start my morning at our guest house. We live in Binh Thanh (pronounced Bin Tun) district. From here I travel to the first school in Thanh Binh (pronounced Tun Bin) district. When I am finished there I have 2 hours until my next lesson so I go to get lunch at Benh Thanh (pronounced Ben Tan) market where I get a delicious baguette, which in Vietnamese is called Ban Tan (said like an American would). Then I am off to my next lesson in Binh Tanh (pronounced Bin Tan) district. Do you start seeing the complications here? These places are not close together either. Apparently there is a really nice garden area in Bin Than (pronunciation unknown) but I am too scared to go there for fear of never returning.

So basically what I am saying is that whenever I get on a motorbike and state where I would like to go I am never quite sure if I will end up at either school, the market, back at home, a strange garden or if I have asked the driver to buy me a baguette. Either way, it is exciting and I get to see something new everyday :)

 

My advice from all of this, should you come and visit us, is this: if you are sitting in a restaurant and suddenly here a strange sound, like a woman in pain and her airpipe struggling to take in oxygen DO NOT attempt the Heimlich maneuver as she is probably only calling her son Huuaeeye over.

Duncan's first blog - best you have 20 minutes spare for this

Greetings peeps, and welcome to my first blog update, my apologies for not writing sooner but what with attempting global domination, drinking copious amounts of tiger beer and auditioning for an extra in the hit TV series Scrubs, I have been a little pressed for time lately.

For those of you that know me,  I have finally quit drinking coffee, partially due to the fact that grinding ones teeth coupled with dilated pupils and waving your arms about manically is considered rude in this part of the world and partially because I read somewhere that coffee here is actually squirrel faeces. Now I have my vices as much as the next chap but forking out my hard earned dosh for percolated squirrel shit is beyond me. For those that don't know that I have been addicted to coffee since the age of twelve curse you for not caring, and this entire paragraph will be lost on you.

It appears that my beloved Kate has informed everyone about all the goings on in Nam, has stolen most of the amusing anecdotes, early bird catching worms and all that, and has basically left very little of interest for me to explain. Nonetheless I would like to share a few of my experiences since arriving and possibly even entice a few of you into coming over to visit us. Please be aware of clause 1.7 at the bottom of the page if you do decide to visit.

When ordering food in Vietnam, every meal is usually accompanied by a tumbler of a pale green liquid called "Tra Da." My first encounter with Tra Da left me a bit bemused as I wasn't exactly sure what the hell to do with it, is it a finger bowl for washing ones hands after de-shelling a prawn, perhaps it is for sterialising your knife and fork before eating, antiseptic mouthwash possibly. Anyway it turns out Tra Da is actually a watery iced green tea (wow, three adjectives thank goodness I left out tasty). Tra Da will never win an award for being the most delicious beverage on the planet but it is very refreshing, good for digestion and best of all its free! Every restaurant will ensure that you glass of Tra Da is kept full at all times at no additional cost, which is slightly ironic when they also give you a cold refreshing towel upon arrival and then charge you for that. Tra Da's ultimate trump card has to be that inevitably in Vietnam you will put something into your mouth that is not fit for human consumption, and when you do you will be guaranteed to have a full glass of something to swig whilst you hold your nose and swallow it whole, especially when spitting it into your cold towel will cost you three thousand dong.

In 2012 I will be thirty, a fact that I had made peace with. Maturity, responsibility, sensibility and numerous other things ending in "ity" that for the last twenty nine years, seventeen of which have been a constant battle with a severe caffeine addiction, have made no sense at all. Kate it seems is more excited about me turning thirty than I am and has become obsessed lately with finding grey hairs on my head. I personally think she has some latent female psychiatric problem from watching too much E.R. when she was younger as her newfound desire for me to have George Clooney style salt and pepper look has gone from being cute to downright scary. Whilst it is nice to be the older guy with a younger chick from time to time, I still like to think I can drink flaming Lamborghinis with the rest of the frat party and have decided a younger look is now in order. So ladies and gentlemen after seven years of the "foreign legion" look I have decided to  grow my hair again. Which leads me onto my next point, Vietnam is not designed for curly hair. For starters it is rather humid in Ho Chi Minh which as anyone with even a slight kink in their hair will know means you will have to invest in some gel, mousse, wax, brill cream or whatever the youths are using now days (holy crap maybe I am getting old). Secondly as Kate mentioned in her blog motorbike taxis are the way to go in Vietnam, fast, cheap and exhilarating but with motorbikes comes the inevitable helmet, the curls  nemesis, for once you put a helmet on no amount of gel can save you, your hair will look like the inside of a cheap mattress. The obvious solution would be to avoid the motorbike taxi all together but Vietnam has thought of that and Vietnam hates the curl. All taxis for some reason unbeknown to me have a plastic film on the ceiling of the cab. The outside can be dinged, scratched and rusted but the inside will have a plastic film as if it rolled off the show room floor yesterday. This translucent tormentor is the very bane of your life if you are even a smidgen over average height, it reduces the head room by at least a meter which means you arrive at your destination in desperate need of a chiropractor and, if you have curly hair,  charged with so much static electricity that if you touched a child you would kill it. Perhaps I should rather age with dignity and without a culpable homicide case looming over my head but at least I have worked out why all Asians have evolved to have such beautiful straight hair.

As is the custom when living in a foreign country one should always attempt to learn a bit of the local language. This is something I managed to avoid entirely during my Swiss excursion and I am still seeing a shrink to recover from my brief encounter with American English, oh cursed last syllable why does your pitch rise? and the zee's oh the zee's! Anyway we have all picked up a (very) little bit of Vietnamese, it is quite difficult to master as there are strange stresses, rises and falls in pitch and shortening and lengthening of vowel sounds that simply do not exist in English. A classic example of this is the sort of main road that runs past our guesthouse is called Dien Bien Phu. The tricky part of the word is the Phu part which if you miss pronounce even slightly makes absolutely no sense to the taxi driver you are trying to give directions to. It's  not foo, or poo but fu! As if you were saying  "wait let me spit out my chewing gum and then we will order some food." and as you got to the "fo" part of food you accidently swallowed your gum. A sudden guttural stop without the blue faced gagging and throat clenching afterwards. Just fu! There are a few other difficult words where you have to sort of bend the vowel sound. This is a certain noise that westerners can only obtain from simultaneously sneezing whilst standing on a drawing pin or if you played the third note of Deutschland uber alles overlapped with a puffins squawk. Obviously when learning another language the only things you really want to learn are the swear words, which in Vietnamese for all its tongue twisting vowels and air bending is rather disappointing. The swear words are in general rather lame. The word for chicken is "ga" which is pronounced exactly as it's spelt, however it turns out that "ga" in a different context is also quite a nasty insult for a lady. Svebe in Zulu, a female dog, a lady of ill repute, Britney Spears, Etc. Easy to remember but it has caused a bit of a problem with regards to meal selection,  chicken is on basically every menu but I still have not eaten chicken in Vietnam for fear that the waitress misunderstands me and pours a glass of Tra Da into my lap, it's gotten so bad that the other day I went to KFC (Ga Ran Kentucky)  and left with a veggie burger and tofu strips.

The other night Kate and I decided to take a short cut by cutting through a park. This is something that we would never do in South Africa, walk through a park in the evening in South Africa and you are guaranteed to be robbed, catch cholera or at very best get stabbed, but here in this city the park seems so peaceful and safe, or so we thought.  So there we were taking a quiet stroll through the park walking the way couples do, holding hands, our footsteps in perfect sync. It had rained earlier that evening and the whole park was thick with the sweet smell of wet foliage, the air had that clean rainy season smell and the warm late summer breeze gently hushed its way through the trees above. We passed a few other couples who as they passed made every effort to avoid our eyes their attentions were directed solely at each other. As we slowly made our way deeper into the park the sounds of the street behind us began to fade and a strange metallic rasping sound began to emerge from the park ahead. With every step it became louder and louder, strange ghostly figures began to appear from the shadows.  My heart began to race, I could feel the angst churning in my belly as slowly with every step the whole sordid scene came more and more into focus. The sound now bellowing echoed through my head, I felt dizzy, nausea, my eyes began to lose focus, I kept telling myself  "it couldn't be, it couldn't be" wretchedly with one final step I realised it was, AAARGH CELINE DEON! And on a cheap tinny stereo too, the strange ghostly figures apparently mesmerised by this sickening tune were performing some strange ritual, clasping each other they moved in bizarre circular motions, gazing into each other's eyes and baring their teeth at each other. Fortunately we had just been to a 7 eleven and for a reason completely unrelated to this story about scary zombies had coincidentally bought many cloves of garlic. We began to hurl the vegetable with many medicinal qualities but that leaves your breath smelling bad projectiles at the zombies but it was too late.  In all seriousness it was actually very special to see all these couples ballroom dancing under the stars, how safe it is here how you can enjoy a romantic walk through the park in the evening and the whole scenario encapsulated exactly what this city is all about, a little bit of the East, a little bit of the West, a little bit of the old, a little bit of the new and about 15 years behind when it comes to music. Seriously we caught a taxi the other day that was playing Boney M's greatest hits and were happy to hear something modern.

 

Having fought the urge to buy a round bamboo rice paddy hat, (well when I say fought the urge I actually mean Kate said it was a stupid waste of money and that I Would not use it for fancy dress parties in the foreseeable future even though raiden from mortal kombat would be a  cool costume). I decided to rather buy something more useful so I bought the most awesome dressing gown that has every been created. To put it simply it is the Bugati Veyron of dressing gowns. It is  silver and black with a Japanese motif, funky dragons, Japanese writing symbol things, lamps and birds and best part is its reversible, black with a huge gold dragon on the back! Now I know it's about as Vietnamese as a doughnut and the Japanese symbol probably says twat or something but it is quite honestly an awesome dressing gown. It's the sort of thing a bond villain would wear whilst sitting in a swivel chair and stroking his cat. And even if I do look like a Japanese symbol in it, it makes you feel really cool, a bit like guys in the 80's thought mullets were cool (and sadly people on the bluff still do)

If Kate were a race horse she would have been shot three times in the two years we have been dating. She is undoubtedly the clumsiest girl I have ever met and has been on crutches so frequently that I am sure people think I beat her regularly. On our recent trip to Mui Ne (a post card perfect beach resort North of Ho Chi Minh City) Kate hurt her ankle whilst walking next to a river, well to call it a river would be ridiculous a bit like calling Pieter De Villiers articulate, it was a shallow stream with a few pebbles in it. There was a minute rapid in the water so we all walked around it, despite walking seven kilometres to get to the river and having severe chafe I was still feeling chivalrous and offered Kate my hand to assist her around the rapid. Kate the suffragette denied my assistance and then fell, spectacularly I might add, into a pot hole. Long story short I did not get to see the waterfall that we had set out to see and had to assist Kate back to the road were we caught a taxi. Not only did  Kate manage to wreck her ankle but she also managed to wreck her camera by dropping it in the river. When we got home I did get a little pedantic about trying to fix the camera and may have complained about my chafe a bit which irritated the hell out of Kate who was now in a lot of pain. Donovan and I were then instructed to go in search of medical supplies and lunch. I returned with a baguette to find Kate 'googling' how to buy morphine on the black market, fortunately we managed to get hold of some weapons grape paracetomol at the pharmacy which worked a treat. A bit of a Macguiver with some scissors and a secret sock and Kate had an ankle brace. Typically of a country with no health and safety we could not find crutches anywhere, a task that was then appointed to  Don and I. We later caught Kate 'googling' how to buy a litter on the black market and quickly changed the log on code. Thankfully I am happy to report that Kate's ankle, the camera and my chafe all made a full recovery and not content with the sudden lack of sympathy Kate decided to burn her leg on a motorbike exhaust. All this talk of suffragettes and race horses can only conclude with a tasteless joke so perhaps I had better sign off now.

 

 

Take it Easy.

DCB

 

 

1.7. BRING BILTONG

 

 

 

Getting to work

I am happy to report that the crutches are gone and I can move around freely now. I cannot express how happy this makes me as there are stairs everywhere in Vietnam, this coupled with very narrow doorways and 1940's style crutches do not mix to well.

Losing the crutches also meant that I could start working so I put my CV out and within a day had found enough hours to comfortably cover our expenses. Duncan will be lecturing hospitality at a business school, and I am teaching English in a high school during the day and at a University in the evenings.

 

Last week Saturday was my first day at the high school. It's outside of the main city so a taxi worked out to be quite pricey. There and back was a full hours pay! This definitely won't do ... it's time to do as the locals do and catch a motorbike taxi!

On Tuesday I braved this idea and caught my second motorbike taxi (the first being when I was taken off to the "doctor" with a dodgy leg). After riding on the back of motorbikes for the past week, I have come up with ....

 

Kate's top 10 tips for catching a motorbike taxi in Vietnam!

 

1. NEVER get off a motorbike on the right hand side.

No one told me this, I have learnt this from experience. The reason being is that the exhaust pipe is on the right hand side and when disembarking the motorbike it WILL burn the hell out of your leg and leave a huge red burn mark with a blister that looks awful. Not only is it uncomfortable, it's embarrassing as the locals/students know immediately how that mark got on your leg.

 

2. Just because a road says "one-way" does not mean it is a one-way.

When riding on a motorbike taxi, the driver will always try to get you to your destination on time. This means that he WILL drive down the wrong way of a highway to save 4 minutes, as I learnt on Wednesday. Do not act alarmed, as your driver will think you are running late and speed up down the wrong way of a one-way. Don't feel guilty about this either, the other drivers on the road are quite used to this happening and will happily move out of your way. Should you hit another motorbike that is coming out of a side road and didn't look right (as it is a one-way) do not apologise, give them a dirty look and shake your head disapprovingly - as my taxi driver did.

 

3. Always take the height of the passengers/objects on the motorbike into account.

Thankfully, I didn't learn this from being on a motorbike. Duncan and I were walking to a cafe to get breakfast when a motorbike passed us. The driver in the front, two huge advertising boards in the middle and a passenger on the back. The driver obviously forgot about the advertising boards as he drove underneath an awning. It was a hysterical sight, the boards hit the awning and pushed the passenger back. The passenger did a slow-mo matrix style arm flapping backwards lean and recovered without falling off, the boards went flying off the motorbike, almost hit a granny sitting underneath the awning (she did not even flinch), the passenger had no idea what was going on, the driver picked up the boards, put them on the bike, gave the shop owner a dirty look and drove away. I wish I had had a video recorder on me, it would have been a YouTube hit!

 

4. If possible, take your own helmet.

This rule only applies to westerners. Every motorbike taxi driver will carry a second helmet for his passengers, however, they are not guaranteed to fit your western style head. The result is that you look like a character from the movie Cone Heads and get to your destination with a massive red line around the circumference of your head.

 

5. Wear sunglasses.

This is especially important if your journey is more than 5 minutes long and you will be going above 30 km/ph. You don't want to arrive with dry, red eyes full of dust and whatever else is floating around out there.

 

6. Choose your driver carefully.

When picking a taxi driver, it is best to choose one that is normal Vietnamese size and not Western size. Balance on a motorbike is key, and I find you will have better balance when sitting with your legs at a "5 minutes to 1" angle - this is achieved through a Vietnamese sized driver. A western sized driver means that you will be sitting behind him with your legs at a "10 minutes to 2" angle and much further back on the seat, which is just awkward. Due to having less seat space, it means every time you stop you will head butt the driver on the back of the head. Thankfully, that particular ride was only 5 minutes long.

 

7. Negotiate the price BEFORE getting onto the motorbike.

Generally, motorbike taxi's are 1/5th of the price of a normal taxi so you will be saving money anyway, but it is best to negotiate the price anyway as they always quote you way above the actual cost. I find the best way to do this is to find two motorbike taxi's near each other. Approach one and get a price, say it is too expensive. Approach the other and get a price. The 1st driver will become jealous and shout out a new price, the second driver wants your business too. Let them negotiate each others prices down while you sit back and smile. When I first went to work, I paid 4 dollars for the motorbike, I am now paying 2 dollars.

 

8. Not everybody is a taxi driver.

I left work on Thursday and looked around for  motorbike taxi but there weren't any. No problem, there will be some on the main road. While I was walking, a man on a motorbike stopped and said something in Vietnamese. I gave him an address. He said something in Vietnamese, I said something in English. This went on for a while and I put on my helmet. He showed me his phone, I showed him an address. Confusion. Thankfully a colleague who can speak basic Vietnamese walked past and asked if I was OK. After chatting to the man it turned out that he was asking me for money, I was asking him for a lift and we had confused the hell out of each other. Lesson learnt. Not everybody is a taxi driver - and they will generally wear a blue shirt if they are one.

 

9. Lose your personal space issue.

There are so many people on motorbikes in the city that where ever you go, you will be rubbing knee's with strangers on motorbikes. The trend is to get as close as possible to the traffic light when it is red. This means you will scrape cars while squeezing through, accidentally knock people's elbows, have your feet touching the feet of another passenger, etc. Pretty much anything goes and no one gets offended. It's a beautiful thing when you get used to it :)

 

10. Find a game to distract you while on the road.

In the beginning, being a passenger on a motorbike taxi is pretty scary. The rules of the road are different and there are always so many people around you. I found that by having a game to play that distracts you makes the ride less intimidating. My personal favourite is "The missing shoe." Basically, all you do is see how many random, lonely shoes are lying in the middle of the road, lost by the owner (probably from someone knocking it off while squeezing through to the traffic light). So far, I have counted eleven in one trip. But I am pretty sure I will reach a higher number soon. There are abandoned shoes in the middle of the road everywhere, it seems to be a common problem. A good variation of the game is to spot a driver missing a shoe. So far I have only seen one.

 

These are the valuable lessons learnt so far, remember them if you come and visit us!

 

 

 

 

September!

Sorry about the lack of a blog update. After the Mekong Delta we had to buckle down and focus on getting our certificates. This involved two tests and six individual teaching practices, which would have been easy had we been at a different school. Now I know people always say "don't blame the students, blame the teacher" ... however, all 16 people on the course agreed that we were thrown into possibly the worst school in history.

From hearing about various peoples lessons I have decided that we may have even been in a "boys/girls town" type of school. Seriously. Students would hit each other, and not just lightly. In one of my classes I caught one girl punching another so hard in the back of the head I though she was concussed. They would also throw things at each other. This doesn't include the odd paper ball flying around the classroom like we used to do, no no. They threw shoes, books, one teacher said he thinks he saw a pot plant go flying past. I actually have a video of one of Duncan's lessons which I will sell to those who want to see it. It is brilliant, he had an exceptionally rowdy class that would not keep quiet no matter what. At exactly 23 minutes and 18 seconds he screams "QUIET" so loudly one of the little girls literally jumped out of her chair. I shall start the viewings at R 30 each.

But we made it, all of us threw at least three kids out of class and got a few tears out of them. Aah revenge :) And proud to say we did SA proud with the marks we got too.

 

The day the course ended we were taken out to lunch and made plans with everyone in class to finally go to a karaoke evening. Duncan was a bit apprehensive about this and I remember him saying something like "I refuse to sing karaoke, I will not lower myself to that level". I don't know if it was the Egyptian themed karaoke room we had or the mass of beer consumed but he sang. A lot. Good times.

 

With the course finished we were all feeling a bit lost. It was quite strange not having a pile of homework to do or lessons to plan. This is where the plan to go to Mui Ne came from. We thought that it would be best to relax for a few days before hitting the job market.

Once this plan was in place the guys decided they needed some new baggies so off we went to Benh Tanh market. We found a great little tore where the Duncan and Donovan found shorts, baggies and a few t-shirts. Thinking the lady would give us a discount as we had about 8 items in total. Nope. She wanted 175 US dollars for the lot. I pulled up a chair, sat down and 5 minutes later walked away with everything for 60 dollars. She even apologised for thinking we were tourists. Ha!

Next it was my turn to try and find a new swimming cozzie. We walked and walked and eventually found a place. I thought my biggest problem would be finding a costume my size here, turns out the biggest problem is my height. They do not make costumes for people over 5 foot.

 

Tuesday we left for Mui Ne with the Canadians. It was a 5 hour bus trip which was absolutely terrifying. When we got out we all agreed that South African taxi drivers are way more cautious. Arrived in our hotel which was nice and clean. Along the stretch of the beach is all the hotels and restaurants, none of which are more than 5 steps from the ocean. The smell and sound of the sea was instantly relaxing and I realised how much we take it for granted back home. The five of us walked about the town and found a lovely spot for lunch which had a beautiful swimming pool and decent prices. After lunch and a cocktail I had a dip in the sea which was incredible.

That night we had a relaxed evening and a few drinks on the beach.

 

On Wednesday Duncan and I woke up really early, grabbed a coffee and went for a stroll along the beach. It was so nice just walking and listening to the waves crashing. A very nice change from the constantly traffic jammed city. Once everyone was awake, we decided to go see the "fairy stream" which promises  gorgeous waterfall at the end of the walk. From looking at the map we guessed it was about 2km's away, so we started walking. 5km's later we reached the entrance to the stream. It was stunning. A very low river in between clay hills with overhanging tree's letting in the odd beam of sun. The kind of place we want to take everyone that comes to visit us! We walked and walked, really enjoying the scenery when I fell in a hole. Not good, I had heard a pop and the camera had gotten wet. So after the really long walk I had injured myself about 1km from what we came to see. I tried to convince Duncan to carry on but he was very chivalrous and stayed with me. We managed to get back to the main road and take a taxi. I felt really bad about ruining the trip to the waterfall so I offered to buy him a beer. We were there for about 2 hours and when I tried to stand to leave I realised I couldn't walk. And that is how the next few days went. Everyone was really sweet about it and joined us for drinks on our balcony. On Thursday the guys literally carried me to the swimming pool and we spent the day relaxing there. I was quite relieved to get back and take some proper pain meds.

 

The 5 hour bus ride back went quickly, although that might be because this driver was more of a cowboy than the first and we had about 4 near death experiences. Mutual agreement to NEVER take a bus here again. No shoreline or sunset is worth it! When we arrived home Ms Tu's helpers made a doctors appointment for me, and told me to leave at 16h30. Perfect, this gave the guys plenty of time to out and grab some lunch. About 10 minutes after they had left there was a knock at the door. I hopped over and it was Ms Tu's son who said, "We go doctor now" and handed me a helmet. I then spent 30 minutes on the back of a motorbike with a dodgy leg weaving through traffic. We eventually arrived at the "doctor" who's office was down a very dinjey alley way. I hopped into the office, he rubbed some yellow stuff on my foot, twisted it in the way it really hurt then put about 9 small plasters in different spots, then about 6 round black plasters over that and a bandage. I have no idea what these thing he put on me are, but for the last 18 hours they have been going from super hot to super cold and I woke up with a much less swollen foot.

 

That's about all the interesting news from Nam, I will try update the blog more regularly

 

Love to you all xxx

6th - 11th September ... Going to the Mekong Delta

Wednesday

 

We spent the day preparing for our first proper lesson on Thursday. Just to help with the nerves they let us do the lesson in pairs. I was with Inge, the lady from Holland. We had to stay a bit later than the guys so I told them I would see them later. When it came time to leave Inge asked if I had ever been on a motorbike taxi. They are hugely popular here because you can get around fairly quickly and cheaply. Next thing I knew I was on the back of the motorbike heading the wrong way down a one way street! It was a great amount of fun and you get to experience how close all these bikes actually get to each other. I could have high-5'ed about 7 people around me at any given time if I wanted to. I also now know why everyone here wears masks when they drive. Because there are so many bikes around and the traffic is so bad you permanently smell exhaust fumes. This isn't too good when you're balancing on the back of a bike for the first time!

Duncan saw me arrive home and was so chuffed that one of us finally caught a motorbike taxi. Will definitely use one again.

 

Thursday

 

An early start as we had to be at the school at 6:30. We had always heard that Vietnamese kids were very respectful to teachers, so we weren't expecting classroom management to be a huge issue. Pa! We walked into the classroom and about 70% of the students refuse to acknowledge that we were there at all. They held this for the entire lesson. We fought and fought to get them to shut up and pay attention. Eventually the class was over and we left feeling a bit useless and extremely exhausted. Everyone on the course seemed to have this problem and we later found out that this school is particularly bad. One of Duncan's students tried to stab her classmate in the neck with a pen!

 

Friday

 

We each had to take a 45 minute lesson alone today. We were extremely tired after the long week and were expecting another day of hell with the students. I walked into the classroom prepared or battle and got a class of angels. So much better than the little buggers from the day before. After my lesson I went to watch Duncan's lesson (as we all have to do a certain number of observations) and he had a naughtier class than the day before. He ended up sending two kids to the corner of the classroom, threatened to kick another kid out of the classroom and confiscated a kids cellphone. Not a bad tally. He can be very strict when he wants to pull it off. In a very cute way.

When we got back they told us we could have the rest of the day off. Yesssss!!!! The Aussies invited us to go with to the Mekong Delta on Saturday night.

With the afternoon free we went for a swim at the local pool and made plans to see a couple of people from school at O'Briens for the rugby. As we were on our way out Mr Tu told us he was heading into town and offered to drop us 2 blocks away from the pub. Its an easy walk and we wouldn't have to take a taxi. We thought we had scored. But as we stepped out of his car the heavens opened and we had a torrential down pour. Initially we started running, but after about 20 seconds we were soaked through. When we reached the pub the waitresses took pity on us, gave us a towel, a free t-shirt and spent the evening mopping up after us.

After a while we all went to get some dinner. The Irish guy has been in HCM for about a year and took us to a local place. We looked at the menu and laughed. They served snake, scorpion, frog and a few other dodgy things I would rather not mention! He managed to order some "normal food" for the table and while we were waiting for it to arrive he asked all of us if we had eaten anything funny. Nobody had, and the next thing we all had a scorpion in front of us. By this stage we were a few beers down so everyone was up for eating scorpion (except Donovan the ninny). It was the worst thing I've ever ever EVER eaten. It tasted like charcoal with a bit of funny tasting meat inside.

When our proper food did arrive we had raw meat and a little braai on the table to cook it, as well as a roasted chicken with the head still attached. Beak and all. Apparently this is a delicacy so a couple of us tried a nibble. I think Duncan and I got brains. It was disgusting!

I decided that one of two things happened that night. 1. The Irishman taught us quite a bit about local cuisine or 2. The Irishman had a good laugh at 8 classmate's expense.

 

The Mekong Delta

 

Saturday

 

We met the group at 8 to leave, and there were about 8 of us. Us three "Safa's", the two Aussies, the 2 Canadians and the Englishman. After 2 hours on the bus we stopped at a huge Pagoda. In the entrance there was a huge Buddhist statue. I cannot describe how tall the statue was, and I forgot to ask. There was also a big  "laughing" Buddha statue which wasn't as tall as the first statue, but made up for this in width. They were magnificent. We walked around the gardens for a while which were very pretty. I think everyone enjoyed the experience, it was beautiful and calm inside.

After the temple, we got onto a boat on the Mekong river. The river system is fascinating. There are little tributaries acting as alley ways and the main river is like their highway. We stopped off on Turtle Island for lunch and were then off to a coconut farm. The farm was interesting, they use every part of a coconut for various reasons, from skin & hair care, weaving mats, fuel and candy. Then they showed us how the candy was made and "gave" us some to buy. After the big talk they had given us about coconuts and their lively hood we felt obligated to buy some. Good sales pitch. We then tried their banana whiskey and rice wine.

After that they showed us their bee and honey farm, and gave us honey tea. This was a crazy process! They give you the drink, tell you stir it quickly and drink it as fast as possible because "the bee's try and get their honey back". They weren't joking. As soon as you stir the drink the bee's arrive. And they try get on your lips for the honey. Eventually they settle for your empty glass where they drown in the remains. Absurdly funny.

We then went on a smaller paddle boat where we had a relaxing cruise down one of the scenic tributaries. Our driver/paddler gave us the traditional Vietnamese hats to wear which was fantastic as I have been dying to wear one! The paddle was gorgeous, definitely one of my favourite parts of the trip.

Our driver dropped us off at another village where we tasted fruit and got to listen to a local band. The lady started singing and it took major skill for everyone at the table not to laugh. She sounded like a cat going from a turf fight to having its tail stood on in a matter of seconds. Good variation, just not the right tone, pitch etc. If this is the competition I may enter Idols here.

On the plus side, they gave us litchi's which looked like purple spikie balls!

After that it was back on the bus for 2 more hours to the heart of the Mekong. When you book the tour they offer you either a 1 star hotel or a home stay, which is where you go into the river and experience their life on the river. 6 of us opted for the home stay. We were dropped off on the side of the highway. A man then appeared and herded us across the highway, along a dirt road, under a bridge and into his boat. We paddled down the stream and saw how these people live. Their houses are literally on the water. I can only describe it as Vietnam's Venice.

Our home stay was these beautiful thatched bungalow's on the river. It was an absolutely gorgeous view onto the river and the mangroves. Very rustic and peaceful. Our room had a bed, a mozzie net and a loo which is all we needed. 

or dinner, a lady taught us how to pack and roll spring rolls. We did this and she took it away, she then returned with bowls of noodles, rice, cucumber, tomatoes, tofu, herbs, a whole fish and rice paper. She showed us how to make rice paper rolls and the order in which everything must go into them. She brought back our fried spring rolls and we had a delicious feast.

There was a village celebration going on and we fell asleep to the sound of bongo drums and rain on our thatched roof. Absolutely perfect!

 

Sunday

 

We woke up at 5 and a man took us on a walk around the village and across the river to the local market. Everyone sells something different and they are self sustainable. A very different lifestyle but everyone looks pretty happy. 

Later, we met up with the tour group again to see the famous "floating market". It was incredible, there were so many boats selling different sorts of produce. The people do this everyday and live on their boats. I think they get their produce from cousins etc. All the families seem to be in business together. After this we went to a rice farm and a fruit farm. They were interesting but a bit too much guilt was laid on. Maybe we're just a bit un-attached to this kind of thing as they seem to be doing a lot better than most African families.

 

All in all, it was a wonderful trip. Very touristy but at the end of the day that is what we are here. Came home to a ton of homework and the thought of going back to that school next week 

28.08.11 - 05.09.11

Sunday the 28th of August

 

We had a relaxing day as the course starts tomorrow. In the morning we walked to our school just to see where it was. Ms Tu then told us of a "tourst park" about 10 minutes away. We walked there and had lunch on a little deck on the lake. The place is set up so that there are clusters of three huts per area and each have their own walkway over the lake onto it. They had the biggest lily pads I have ever seen!

While we were eating a toddler fell into the lake and about 7 men jumped in after it. The koi in the lake got a massive fright and all jumped out of the water.

After lunch we walked around the park (which is pretty big) and did not see any tourists. The area is exquisite. They have lovely gardens with local art, a swimming pool and tennis courts.

All in all, a stunning day.

 

Monday

 

Our first day on the course and very different to how we imagined it would be. We were expecting alot of young people keen to travel, but we are possibly the youngest people in the class. Not a bad thing. It was quite a long day and by the end of it Donovan was craving Eisbein (typical South African) so we took a taxi into district 1. The place was still extremely busy and even more beautiful at night. All the buildings are lit up and there are people walking around everywhere drinking iced coffee, shopping, meeting with friends. I found it quite romantic :)

There money system is crazy here. Our bill came up to 1.4 million VND. Not the cheapest meal we've had here but still cheaper than what we get back home!

 

Tuesday to Friday

 

It's been a really busy week with loads of homework. We were hoping to go to the the Mekong Delta this weekend but decided against it as we have a lot of work to do and are all pretty tired after concentrating all day (a big change from the last month at home.)

The course has been really interesting so far. There are a couple of people who don't speak English as a first language so they hold the class up a bit which gets a bit frustrating. One guy in particular is just awful. He says he's from America but thats like saying Im afrikaans. Impossible. We were put into pairs for our first 90 minute lesson next week, and we were all happy with who we got. None of us got the fake American. Yay.

 

On friday about 9 of us met up for a drink after class to celebrate being 1/4 of the way through. We ended up in a pub called O'Briens. An Irish pub owned by a French man with Indian decor inside. Brilliant! The place was as diverse as the group of people we were with. Us "safa's", Canadians, an Irishman, an Englishma and, some Australians. The best part of the pub was you could play pool for free and whenever you finished a game, 2 Vietnamese woman would run up and re-set the table, then dissappear. Its crazy.

The night turned out to be a lot of fun and it was interesting getting to know everyone a bit better outside of the classroom.

 

Saturday

 

Woke up to beautiful weather and decided the best way to unwind after such a long week was to visit the local swimming pool at the tourist area. We met up with some friends from class and had a beer on the lake then went or a lovely swim. The water was so inviting that even Duncan got in! We then had lunch, obeyed the 20 minute eating rule all of our moms taught us, then went back into the pool untill late afternoon.

The 6 of us then decided to explore the infamous "back-packers" district we had heard so much about. It was really dissapointing. A lot of very messed up looking Europeans roaming around and some women looking for business. Definitely not my favourite part of this city so far.

 

Sunday

 

Duncan and I went out for coffee and managed to order everything in Vietnamese, including the bill. We were quite chuffed with ourselves. The rest of the day was spent catching up on homework. Spoke to Amy and grn, and Duncan spoke to his family too. We were both really happy to hear from home!!

 

Monday the 5th of September

 

We had our first one to one teaching today. We spent the morning preparing and then went to a high school n the afternoon. It was slightly nerve racking. I seemed to hit a luck with my student as she spoke English pretty well. The hour passed by quickly. Duncan's student didn't speak English too well but Duncan taught him quite a bit. At the end of the lesson he told Duncan he couldnt wait to see him tomorrow. Sweet!

And the fake American has left the course.

Not a bad Monday.

 

We have arrived!

Wow!

We arrived and had our first taste of Vietnamese traffic, doesn't seem to be any rules except "just go". Once we had arrived at the guest house we all had itchy feet and wanted to get exploring.

Ms Tu (the guest house owner) had her son walk us to a local "pub". The walk was absolutely amazing, each street has its own personality. There are buildings on top of buildings and plants everywhere. People seem to chill out and socialise in the street. So much to look at!

 

Once we had arrived at our "pub" Ms Tu's son left us and we were on our own. We all started off with Tiger beer, which was served warm. The solution to this is to put a MASSIVE ice block in our glass. Beer and ice, yum! Next it was time to order food. No one in the pub spoke English and the menu was in Vietnamese so after about 5 minutes of staring at something we didn't understand, we decided it would be best to point to a picture and order that. Duncan and Donovan's crispy prawns arrived and looked delicious. My soup arrived and .... blaaaaa! The soup pretty much consisted of raw egg white and coriander. I was almost sick on the table but managed to eat a bit of it by drinking beer immediately after each mouthful. A couple more beers later and we managed to navigate our way through the windy roads and find home. All in all, an awesome first night. People are exceptionally friendly.

 

Friday

 

We woke up and wanted to explore more, so off we walked to the Saigon zoo. It was about a 15 minute walk and we had our first lesson in crossing a Vietnamese road. This is pretty daunting at first as there are just so many people on scooters driving without order. Eventually we realised you just put your foot onto the street and walk. People will drive around you.

The zoo was magnificent. There were so many animals and such a beautiful botanic gardens next to it. We happily wandered around for the day and had lunch in a little restaurant over looking the giraffes. Inside the restaurant there was a group of men playing drinking games (about three of them were policemen in full uniform) and having a festive time. Again, I was amazed at how friendly everyone was. After lunch we went to the history museum which was pretty interesting, we got to see a mummified Vietnamese woman. Before we went home we stopped at a little watering hole on the side of the river and watch boats come by. No one spoke English there either and I had to show them my book of translations to find out where the loo was. Lame, I know :) Feeling more comfortable here as the hours go on. For dinner we went back to the same pub as before, but this time I went prepared and had written down key food translations. I still have no idea what I ate, but everything tastes fantastic!

We walked home just in time, as we stepped inside there was a torrential down pour followed by an amazing electrical storm.

 

I find people here will go out of their way to help you, even if they don't understand you. A lot of people walk past us, smile and give us the peace sign. Its awesome.

 

Saturday

 

We took a taxi into town today to see the centre of the city. Its like stepping into a different city! As we arrived there was store after store, Jimmy Choo, Armani, Gucci, Versace, about 15 top stores in a row. Very different to the less touristy place we have been staying. I think we possibly saw more Europeans than locals. There are big, beautiful parks everywhere, shops, 5 star hotels. About a five minute walk from the expensive shops was Benh Tan market, one of the bigger markets of the city. Here you can buy just about anything you could think of for next to nothing, including knock-offs of the designer stuff we had just seen. Walked around for hours exploring the streets. Almost everyone here could speak basic English, and I think for the first time all 3 of us knew what we were eating. We had a drink on top of the Caravelle hotel which has a panoramic view of the city. Exquisite!

We then walked to the war history museum which was interesting but a bit disturbing.

 

I will hopefully be able to post pics soon, words cannot describe the beauty here. Having an absolutely amazing time with Duncan :)

First blog

This is a bit of a test because we've never blogged before :)

3 days to go! We will post a weekly update for anyone that's interested in following.
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